finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
