last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
