is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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