Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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