I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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