Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
