We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
