Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
