I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
