apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
