moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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