oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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