Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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