Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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