So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
