I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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