I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
