I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
