right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
