I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
