u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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