They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Found the puke drawer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
