Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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