I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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