I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
