I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
