i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
