I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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