Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
