youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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