I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
