Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
