READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
