Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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