one might say we're banned from that church
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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