I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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