I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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