piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
