I could make wine with my vomit
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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