Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Shame - the story of my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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