Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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