That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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