Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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