Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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