Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
