I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A bitchslap is in order.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
