Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
