Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
