He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
