Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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