My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
