even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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