i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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