you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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