I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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