He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
