People in love make me want to vomit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
