I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
